The Scene, The Actors, The Battle:

I was never one of those girls who struggled with her weight. I wasn't rail-thin, but I was a respectable size 10. (I never aspired to be a size 2. 10 is a healthy size.) Like most young newlyweds, I gained weight immediately after I got married. Within a year I no longer fit into my sheva brachos clothes. A year later I was up a size. but that wasn't too bad. I didn't try to lose weight; I was happy with how I looked.
 I was not blessed with children until my 9th anniversary. One of my infertility issues is PCOS, which makes it much more difficult to lose weight. I am insulin resistant and I have elevated cholesterol, both of which are very worrisome. After the birth of my first child I lost my pregnancy weight immediately, but then started gaining happy pounds. I did 6 weeks on the "Balance" diet and lost 15 pounds beautifully. Then I plateaued and lost interest. After the birth of my second child I was very sick and lost about forty pounds. I was shocked to fit into some of the clothes from before my first pregnancy! That weight loss, of course, didn't hold, and I spent the next couple of years on various weight loss programs such as the Diet Center, Weight Watchers, and Start Fresh, each time losing weight beautifully. But the weight loss never held. PCOS means a lot of carb and sugar cravings. ADHD means I lose patience quickly and have a rough time with time management, which makes sticking to a diet plan and advance meal preparation very hard. My second child is severely autistic which makes my day-to-day life extremely challenging, leading me to grabbing food at any time, noshing my way through the night in front of the computer, and going for a long time without eating and then stuffing my face because I'm so hungry.
 When I was expecting my third child, I was classified as high risk because I was considered obese. By this point, I was a size 16. My OB was very stern about gaining weight during the pregnancy, and I actually lost weight! Pregnancy is my best weight loss method, because I have no appetite for nine months. Then I give birth, and nursing makes me insanely hungry, leading my weight to balloon. I badly wanted to go on diet again, but my chaotic life was making it very challenging. The past few months have been really rough on me. I'm approaching 40 and hate how I look. This is not about vanity; this is about health and self esteem. I can't bear to look at myself in the mirror; I can't buy clothes because everything makes me look pregnant and misshapen.
 A few months ago, Tanya Rosen opened an office in my area and I was dying to start her program but simply couldn't afford it. In a total twist of hashgacha, 2 of my friends sent over envelopes with money before pesach so I should "Treat myself with something for Yom Tov." It was exactly enough to pay for Tanya's diet program!! I'm embarking on this 6-week weight loss journey,. and I am going to try to update the blog daily or every 2nd day on my progress. Think of this of a version of "Girl on a Diet" that you find in Ami. I'm not going to post my real number here, only how much I lost every week and where I am in my goal. If you want to know real numbers, you can message me :D. I can't promise to update every day - remember: ADHD. And a crazy life too. But I'll try! I hope the blog will inspire anyone trying to lose weight the healthy way. Let's be diet buddies!